Mario: Sex Lives
by King Bowser Forever
Summary: The Mario characters open up as each, from Mario to everyone in the game, find out about their sex lives, and how much they really know about each other. M for various things. R&R, more reviews equals better story! :Suggest pairings, good to bad!:
1. Brothers Know Each Others

_**Perverted Kingdoms**_

_Why does all crap in Mario games happen?_

Like why does Bowser kidnap Peach?  
When he sees her big breasts, he gets an erection.

_Why did Japan make a version of Mario where Peach gives Mario a blowjob?  
Cause they like it._

_And why does everyone have these fetishes?  
Because…_

_**It began at…the streets. It all did. Prostitutes dirtied the streets while it was littered even more with pimps of all different races, sometimes different races experimenting with each other…**_

_**But, that doesn't really affect the Mario characters. After all, that was mainly about sex.**_

_**So, what about Mario and his friends' "love" lives?**_

Mario woke up to the sound of his alarm clock. It constantly played sounds from its radio feature and loud, obnoxious noises, and also some annoying guy. Mario broke the alarm with a hammer, while also cracking the counter it sat on. He wiped the crust from his eyes and sat up.

There was still noise…a very annoying noise…beating…

His brother's alarm. It was still going off. He then smashed that one with Luigi's hammer.

Still that annoying noise!

Mario was fully awake now, and determined to find out where this was coming from. He walked quickly to where the sound originated.

The bathroom.

Maybe Luigi was up?

Mario slowly pushed the door open. He could see green.

"_Luigi…?_" He whispered.

Inside was Luigi, sitting on the toilet seat, holding a magazine close to him…his other hand held something lower, and his pants were hanging down…

Mario ran away without his brother knowing.

He would never eat HIS pasta anymore…


	2. Family Love

_**Perverted Kingdoms**_

Peach, now finally away from her horny Koopa lover, now sat on a soft, pink bed with Daisy sitting next to her. She had invited her over, a sleep-over. Daisy always wanted to "spill" everything that happened between Bowser and her, and also when Mario saved her, as usual. Daisy loved to hear those stories, or maybe just to be talking to Peach overall. Even so, it was still pleasing for her.

"So," Daisy started, "Anything…different…happen?"

Peach woke up from a slight daydream. It was a rather peculiar question; Peach had no idea what Daisy meant. She was a crafty Princess.

"W…what do you mean?"

"Oh, don't be like that. You know what I mean." Daisy gave her a slight punch on the arm. Peach still gave a look of confusion, blinking twice.

"No…no I don't…"

"Aww, come on…you know…mushy, love-y stuff. Like you and Mario."  
"What!? You still think that I…"

"Yeah…"

"I LIKE Mario???"

"Well…she has to save your butt all the time…so…yeah, I guess."

Daisy was very suspicious of Peach and Mario's true relationship between each other. There wasn't much she knew, having her on kingdom to tend to, so she never _was_ there when Peach had been kidnapped.

"Daisy!"  
"What? It makes sense…" Daisy gave a smirk.

"Yes, I LIKE Mario…"

"Mmm-hmm…"

"But only as a friend! I don't…LIKE like him."

"Suuuree…and who DO you LIKE like, Wario!?"

"No!"

Mario was pretty oblivious to whatever happened around him, and that just didn't suit Peach well. He never realized Peach was willing to do things for him that anyone else wouldn't. But that time is gone now. She gave up on Mario, and decided to move on. But the thought of Wario…

"Fat isn't my type."

"Well, what IS your type!?"

"Well…let's see…Loving…caring…nice-looking-

"Obvious!"

Peach only continued.

"He has a job-

"You're a Princess! Why would he need a job?"

"It would make us look like we're too rich and pampered for it."

"Well you already do…"

"…Good point."

"Would you want to have kids?"  
"Well…yes…I would, but that's not the point. I want someone who really loves me, and can show it. Like…" She trailed off, unable to think of anyone she'd really known as her lover.

"Anyway, you're cute, you have a good personality. Don't worry, you'll find the right man for you."

"Thanks, Daisy…that sort-of helped…you're cute too, you know…"

"Yeah…you have nice eyes…"

"And you have nice hair…"

They began to look into each others' eyes, shining with curiousity. They knew what was about to happen next, it had gotten the best of them. They both blushed a deep red and turned away for but a second, but gave in. Both leaned slightly forward in an attempt for a kiss…But wait, weren't they cousins!?!?

It would have to wait. It was interrupted by thumping.

"Peach??"


	3. What is Sex

**Ooh, lucky me. Two chapters in one day. GREAT.**

_**Perverted Kingdoms**_

Mario ran for his life. For his now SCARRED life. He tripped down the stairs and hit his head, but still proceeded to run outside and to anywhere he could go.

What just happened?

He already appeared at Donkey Kong's hut. But how did he get there? Being scared so much must have tricked his mind into thinking he took a mushroom or something. But he was there and that's all that mattered.

Mario knocked on the door, shaking and crying like a newborn baby fresh out of the womb. It was a small knock, but someone heard it. Small amounts of pitter-patter originated from the other side.

A small monkey, much smaller than Donkey Kong, answered the door. He wore a red T-shirt with a yellow star that just wasn't his size, his small belly hung out.

"Mario? Whatcha doin here?"

It was Diddy Kong, the nephew of the big Kong. He scratched his furry head and continued to stare at shaking Mario.

"D-d-diiidy…where's your u-uncle??" Mario stuttered.

"Uhh…in the bathroom, hold on a minute…"

"_What the heck is wrong with him…?"_

Mario sat on the vines extending to the DK hut out front. It was wonderful here. A gleaming waterfall, shining grass and other foliage, he must love it there. It was high in the air, though, but the vines were strong, and would hold the house up for as long as they lived.

"Hello? Mario??" Kong finally answered.

"WHOA!!!!"

Mario jumped, and nearly fell off of the vines; his jumps were TOO high in some situations. DK quickly grabbed him before he fell down.

"Mario! Mario, calm down! It's okay now!"

Mario didn't say a word, only wimpering and crying. DK took him inside, just to be safe. He laid the poor Italian on his banana-shaped guest bed in a small room, and waited for him to calm down.

"Mario…Mario, what are you crying for?"

"L-luigi…"

"Luigi? Luigi what?"

"…Luigi…he was…he was m-…masturbating IN MY BATHROOM!"

…

Diddy, in a nearby room playing Donkey Kong Country, burst out with laughter, knocking his controller down onto the floor and gasping for air.

"Wait, what!?"

"I saw Luigi m-masturbating in the bathroom looking at p-p-porno magazines, and he was looking through a crack in the door, and I think he's on drugs, and-

"ALRIGHT, alright already, just stop with the waterworks, please! You're getting my damn fur wet!"

Mario opened his eyes and saw wet ape. Even though from this view, he looked like a piece of wet dog shit. He stopped crying and hobbled up on one side of the bed.

"Alright…now…you say Luigi…was…" He chuckled.

"It's not funny!!!"

"Okay, okay. But listen, all men probably do or have done that once in their life. You can't tell me you haven't."

"Well…"

"If you haven't, you don't know what sex is, probably!" He chuckled again.

"Umm…"

DK stopped laughing for a second, and gave a confused face.

"Don't tell me you don't."

"I…"

"You're not serious, Mario. Tell me you know what sex is."

"Well…"

Diddy started to crack up. He was immobilized with laughter. His body moved all around the room, knocking things down. DK laughed his heart out.

"I SAID IT'S NOT FUNNY!"

"Well you don't even know what sex is, man!" DK barely managed to yell out. "I mean, what, everyone we know is like 18 or older!! How do you know he was masturbating if you don't know what sex is!?"

"S-…shut up…"

"Alright, alright…I'll teach you what sex is…"

DK leaned over to him and whispered, "But we're gonna do it the easy and fun way."

He quickly closed and locked the door behind him. Diddy had stopped laughing once that happened.

"Aww shit, not again, Dad!"

He ran to the now locked door and knocked.

"Dad! Mario! You okay in there!?"

"Ah, we're just fine, son! Just having grown-up-talk!"

The muffled voice of Mario couldn't be heard outside of the guest room. DK had closed it shut himself using his own necktie, and tied his arms and legs down with rope sitting in the corner. His red hat flew off in an attempt to get away. DK threw Mario onto his back, and began to un-button his overall straps until those were eventually gone. Shirt, then shoes and socks, then even his pants flew into another corner.

There was nothing left but his teddy bear underwear.

Mario squirmed and squealed, but all for nothing. DK had gotten a hold of him, and taken the last thing covering Mario's pride, revealing Mario's smallish round buttocks.

"DAD! Open the door!!!" Diddy pounded on the door hard, but couldn't do anything. He didn't have the strength his father did. Mario yelled as hard as he could, but soon, his yelling turned to screams of displeasure and pain.

Mario was all his.


End file.
